how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
