You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
