Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
