Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
