You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
