I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
