the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
