her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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