Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
