dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
