Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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