Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
