I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
