your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
