covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Duck Duck Cougar?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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