Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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