So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
