haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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