i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize