im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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