I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
