the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
