I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
