: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
vagina is talking i cant
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
