I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
