okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
