please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
