Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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