When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
