ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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