my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
