I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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