I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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