The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
