Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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