Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
