I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
