tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
