You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
