Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
