so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
