You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize