If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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