My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
