eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My pussy is not your playground.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
