I just pynch a tree in the face
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
