how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
