Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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