Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize