No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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