Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
