No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
