someone owes me an orgasm
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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