Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
