Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
