I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
