who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
