if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
