If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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