You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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