I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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