are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
