she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
