just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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