Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
