The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
