So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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