and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
