remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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