i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
