The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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