i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize