i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
