I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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