thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
