While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
