dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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